A Christmas vacation your teen will never forget!

Are you worried about the Christmas break and the family problems that this time of year can bring? If you are like many families, the holidays can be a difficult period of time. In fact, some studies show an increase in family conflicts during the holiday season.  These problems range from kids who spend days at a time glued to a computer screen developing a gaming addiction while ignoring all other aspects of life, to parents subjected to the whining complaints of an entitled teen that is ungrateful for their Christmas gifts.

 Whatever your situation may be, consider giving your teen a holiday present they will never forget—five days in the wilderness of Southern Utah!  Come to warm and sunny St. George with your teen and spend five days of your Holiday season with us at Family Bootcamp.  The next expedition is scheduled for December 26th through 30th and slots are still available!  

Your teen will spend five days learning how to survive in the remote, high desert of Southern Utah with only the supplies they can strap to their back.   Being unplugged from ALL technology and outside communication provides a strong "wake up call moment" for the youth to focus and take responsibility for the simple day-to-day tasks of their  well-being including cooking, caring for their supplies and learning to use only the elements of the desert to live.

While your teen is experiencing the wilderness, you remain in St. George and participate in an intensive two day "Parenting Boot Camp."   Under the direction of “Doc Dan”, parents engage in two days of comprehensive parent training sessions focused on the discovery and disruption of unhealthy family dynamics.  Dr. Sanderson's trademark theory of Developmental Vacation provides the underpinnings of the instruction.

Time is of the essence as the next expedition begins next Thursday, so call us today at 800.584.4629 and give your teen a Christmas vacation they will never forget!

Five Simple Steps for Helping Your Child Overcome Laziness

 Being lazy is not a mental health disorder, but lazy teens can be the source of family conflicts which lead to a variety of disruptive behaviors in the home.  Dealing with a chronically lazy teen can be an incredibly frustrating challenge for parents and can lead to significant stress and disruption in the family.  Listed below are five simple tips for dealing with laziness in children.

1.       Talk to your teen. Be calm and pleasant, but straight forward and assertive about the concerns.  Don't be surprised if your child responds with anger and defensiveness. Listen to their concerns and facilitate a discussion, but remain firm in your expectations.

2.       Set rules outlining expectations. Establish chores your teen, and periodically change and add to their chores.  Provide rewards and consequences for compliance.  Reward your teen for following through with the rules and implement consequences for non-compliance.  Make sure the rewards and consequences are strong enough to have an impact, whether positive or negative.  The hard part is consistency on your part.  It is vital that parents follow through with the reward or consequence.  Failure to deliver will surely reinforce laziness on the part of the child.

3.       Assess for reasons for the laziness. In some cases, there may be variables in the teen leading to laziness such as depression, sleep problems, entitlement or discouragement.  In other cases, parents’ enabling, rescuing or inconsistency may be a primary variable for why the teen is lazy.   It is important to observe and assess the reasons, which may include parents taking a hard look at themselves and their role in the problem.

4.       Outside activity. Require your child to spend time outside and physically active on a daily basis. Too many children today are spending all of their waking hours indoors staring at a computer or television screen.  Don’t allow your child to “veg” on the couch playing video games after school until bedtime.  Get your child involved in sports, physical fitness, biking, hiking, etc.  Studies show the mental health benefits of exercise and physical activity including an energy boost, and positive feelings.  Get your child outside into the sunshine, the breeze and the fresh air and get his/her blood moving to trigger endorphin release every day.

5.       Tough Love.  Don’t be afraid to exercise your role as the parent and impose hard consequences.  Have the courage to implement impactful consequences such as taking away the cell phone,  eliminating television, internet or gaming privileges.  Be calm and concerned, but be strong and firm in your expectations and stick to your guns.   If you need help to stay firm, consider working with a child therapist who can assist you in working through the issues as a parent that make it hard for you to hold firm on the consequences you impose.

Parenting Pitfall # 1: Cater to his/her every need--a sure way create entitlement issues in your kids

Parents don't do their children any favors when they reward an entitlement mentality in the home. When parents provide their children with unwarranted reinforcement, they stagnate their children’s coping capacity for handling the future realities of what it takes to be a successful young adult.  Recent studies show that this new "entitled generation" display high rates of mental health problems, loneliness, isolation and failure in their young marriages.

Hyper-vigilant parents who attempt to solve every problem for their child and can’t fathom the thought of their child being uncomfortable are doing them no favors.  Too many of these parents self-deceive and believe they are engaged in good parenting. Children of hyper-vigilant parents who have become accustomed to having the things they desire, often times, instantaneously, become entitled.  Over time, they develop a low frustration tolerance, a lack of patience, and a complete inability to deal with discomfort of any type on any level.

Too many parents today are going to great lengths to take the struggles out of life for their children. Isn’t this what good, caring parents do? Unfortunately, parental hyper-vigilance tends to make children more fragile, rather than more equipped, which explains why many of today’s youth are increasingly incapable of managing demands of life.

Some experts have labeled the youth of today as the "entitled generation".  Many teens today have become accustomed to getting what they want immediately.  Delaying gratification is the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward and wait for a later reward.  Many teens today have a desire for nice things, but they don’t want to work hard for the money to obtain nice things. Too many struggle with entitlement believing that they “deserve it” or “they are owed it”.

  “Compared to previous generations, recent high-school graduates are more likely to want lots of money and nice things but less likely to say they’re willing to work hard to earn them,” according to the author of a recent study on the topic of entitlement among the rising generation. “That type of ‘fantasy gap’ is consistent with other studies showing a generational increase in narcissism and entitlement.”

A prime example of this is the number of elementary aged and middle school youth who have their own smart phones, but do absolutely nothing to earn the privilege of the device.  Those few kids who don’t have a smart phone, feel deprived and many attempt to convince their parents of this. The pressures in middle school only get worse in high school as kids no longer simply ask for a cell phone, but for a car, a personal laptop and spending cash at will.  Teen entitlement and inability to delay gratification are major problems in today’s culture.

Family Bootcamp is the ideal intervention for assisting parents to eliminate the entitlement mentality from their teens and provide teens with a first-hand experience in delaying gratification.  Upon arriving at the Family Bootcamp offices, the ceremonial “trade” happens where the teen hands over his/her smart phone and other hand held digital devices, and its place is given a stainless steel cooking pot which will be used for cooking meals on a camp fire for the next five days while the teen experiences life unplugged from technology and learning to survive in the high desert of Utah.  Those five days allow the teen to explore who he/she outside of their technology, friends and other material items for which they had previously developed a sense of entitlement.  Without these dependencies to hide behind, teens have to face who they really are, which sometimes can be an uncomfortable realization.

A mistaken belief many parents possess is assuming that children can't handle difficult situations. Too often parents assume that if kids start getting into difficulty they need to rush in and do it for them, rather than let them flounder a bit and learn from it.   Family Bootcamp allows children to navigate a difficult situation on their own.

There is a lesson in this for all parents.  Those who allow their kids to find a way to deal with life's day-to-day stresses by themselves are helping them develop resilience and coping strategies.  The goal of parenting is to raise an independent human being, capable of managing the demands of life.  At some point in their childhood, most kids will be forced to confront their own mediocrity.

Family Bootcamp: an unforgettable weekend for parents and struggling teens

It’s fair to say everyone wishes for a life devoid of problems, struggles and trials. An ideal world for parents would consist of picket fences; happy children and leisurely family vacations.

The harsh reality is that, while happy scenarios like the one above do exist, parenting is chock full of trying circumstances — addiction, abuse, conflicts, bad habits, etc. — that ultimately push parents to the brink. How we deal with life’s difficulties ultimately defines who we are.

Yet, overcoming such obstacles oftentimes requires more than a little help. Enter Therapy Associates, a program founded in 2008 that specializes in the treatment of children, teens and their parents, providing guidance and healing with the problems that families face in today’s society.

“Therapy Associates brings together a team of licensed clinical psychotherapists who have worked with thousands of teens and families throughout the United States,” said co-founder Matt Bulkley.

Bulkley explained that one of the most difficult challenges facing children and parents is video game and pornography addiction, a result of the technology boom that makes viewing adult material a lot easier than ever before.

On top of that, with the advent of cell phones, laptops and gaming consoles, kids are becoming increasingly dependent on technology and thus losing grip on reality.

“Most kids have never experience a single day in their lives unplugged from all technology,” Bulkley said. “They have not developed the ability to manage the demands of life without escape into technology, gaming, etc.”

“Entitlement, technology addiction, lack of frustration tolerance, depression, anxiety, laziness, disrespect to authority, lack of direction, substance use and impatience are all consequences of this trend.”

Bulkley and his Therapy Associates partners devised a solution to help in the battle against technology overload, a unique outdoors adventure known as Family Bootcamp.

Based in St. George, Utah, a locale packed to the brim with amazing scenery and exotic locales, Family Bootcamp provides youth and parents with a life changing, five-day intense, therapeutic wilderness experience in the heart of the high desert, majestic red rocks of the southwest.

“Family Bootcamp differs from traditional wilderness and residential programs because it is short-term — just five days — as opposed to nine to 12 months,” Bulkley said. “It falls in an area missing from traditional treatment. We don't believe in a ‘one-sided’ therapeutic approach ... with the Family Bootcamp — parents are involved too.  So, while the youth are experiencing the wilderness, parents remain in St. George and participate in an intensive two-day ‘Parenting Bootcamp.’

”The cost is vastly different as well — $2,500 as opposed to $50,000 to $100,000 that other facilities would charge.”

During the process, youth will experience a weekend devoid of anything technology related.

“No cell phones, no computers, no TV,” said Kena Frey, LCSW. “Being unplugged from all technology and outside communication provides a strong ‘wake up call moment’ for the youth to focus and take responsibility for the simple day-to-day tasks of their well-being including cooking, caring for their supplies and learning to use only the elements of the desert to live.”

Under the direction of Dr. Dan Sanderson, PhD, parents engage in two days of comprehensive parenting sessions focused on the discovery and disruption of unhealthy family dynamics.

“The wilderness is a wake up call, a time for reflection and a chance for kids and teens to explore who they are as individuals, away from technology, friends and the amenities of modern society,” Sanderson said.

The program takes place over a long weekend — Thursday through Monday — thus minimizing school and work absences. The location affords plenty of recreation for families during their time in St. George, as they can explore Zion’s National Park or golf on one of the many courses located in the area.

“A Family Bootcamp is the ideal intervention for families that are not yet ready to place their teen in a long-term residential treatment program, but are seeking help learning to manage problematic behaviors that are occurring in the home,” Bulkley said. “It is a great substitute for a family weekend/vacation and a highly effective way to combat family problems and find solutions.”   

For more information on Family Bootcamp, including prices, dates and additional resources visit www.familybootcamp.org.

"Failure to Launch Syndrome" and the Enabling Parent

Developmental stagnation in the transition phase between high school and the adult world is a problem that increasingly impacts families across the country. Recent studies suggest that over 70% of young men 18-30 still live at home with their parents and many of these young adults are not employed, attending college or otherwise working to become independent from their parents.  Many have termed this increasingly common phenomena as “Failure to Launch”. 

While it is true that finding a job and financing an education is more difficult than in past generations, too many young adult men are stagnated in their development and continue to approach life acting as if they are still teens attending high school.  Without any sense of urgency to move forward to the next stage in life, they become increasingly focused on being entertained, often with hours of video games, social media and pornography at the expense of developing the self-discipline needed to manage the demands of life in the adult world. 

Rather than allowing these young adults to continue on their “developmental vacation”, parents need to insist that their adult children continue on the path toward responsible adulthood.  Our society does not need more young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained.   There are already too many young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world.

Sometimes, the problem is as much the parents as it is the young adult.  Parents need to learn to take a hard stand and require their young adult children to step up and be responsible.  Too many parents enable their adult child’s bad behavior, by allowing them to remain unemployed, to live at home without responsibility, to not pursue additional education and to focus their time and energy on hedonistic pursuits, rather than developing self-discipline.

Parents who find themselves with an adult child on developmental vacation often struggle to use “tough love” and despite knowing they are enabling bad behavior, continue to reward their adult child’s irresponsibility by simply doing nothing.   For parents who need a boost of support, Family Bootcamp can help.  Dr. Dan Sanderson and his team of clinical psychotherapists have worked with hundreds of families who have struggled with the failure to launch dilemma.  During the five day Family Bootcamp  that runs Thursday through Monday, parents spend their time with Dr. Sanderson in the developmental vacation parent seminar.  The young adults spend the five days learning to live in the remote Utah desert unplugged from all technology and away from the amenities of modern society.  The Family Bootcamp provides both parents and the young adult with a “wake-up call” and a strong reminder of the need for young adults to develop into responsible individuals capable of making a contribution to society.

Parental Hyper-vigilance: The Great Paradox of Parenting

Parents today are going to great lengths to take the struggles out of life for their children. Isn’t this what good, caring parents do? Unfortunately, parental hyper-vigilance tends to make children more fragile, rather than more equipped, which explains why many of today’s youth are increasingly incapable of managing demands of life.

This is the great paradox of parenting.  Well intended parents who want their children to be successful inadvertently shield them from the very lessons that will allow them to become successful.  No parent wants to see their child suffer and fail, but taking the discomfort, disappointment and struggle from their development only robs them of developing resilience and coping strategies.

Children of hyper-vigilant parents are left to manage few challenges all their own which leaves them unprepared for learning to manage the challenges that life will most assuredly provide. Over time, it stagnates a child’s development and makes them susceptible for depression, anxiety and lack of self-confidence. These mental health issues then create additional difficulties for the teen struggling to find his/her identity during the adolescent years.

Hyper-vigilant parents who attempt to solve every problem for their child and can’t fathom the thought of their child being uncomfortable are doing them no favors.  Too many of these parents self-deceive and believe they are engaged in good parenting.

Children of hyper-vigilant parents who have become accustomed to having the things they desire, often times, instantaneously, become entitled.  Over time, they develop a low frustration tolerance, a lack of patience, and a complete inability to deal with discomfort of any type on any level. 

The unfortunate reality for these children is that life is full of discomfort.  As these children go through their teen years they are unable to solve problems and deal with the daily dilemmas they encounter.  These seemingly small dilemmas become the genesis of the mental health issues including depression anxiety, substance use, technology and video game addictions.

There is a lesson in this for all parents.  Those who allow their kids to find a way to deal with life's day-to-day stresses by themselves are helping them develop resilience and coping strategies.  The goal of parenting is to raise an independent human being, capable of managing the demands of life.  At some point in their childhood, most kids will be forced to confront their own mediocrity.

A mistaken belief many parents possess is assuming that children can't handle difficult situations. Too often parents assume that if kids start getting into difficulty they need to rush in and do it for them, rather than let them flounder a bit and learn from it.